Wealth comes

How does it come?
First, focus
Focus my posture. my thoughts, my feelings, my awareness on feeling like I am a wealthy man
from there follows action
that is natural and focused
and leads directly to the stream of abundance and heavenly blessing
just do that
mine is not to question how
mine is to feel the wealth
become one with that feeling
oh yes, the joy and the freedom of it

that is what i must do now
maintain that feeling

the rest will flow naturally

Being wealthy and going to shul

It is a far better experience to go to shul a wealthy man
to feel part of the community
and to be a benefactor for the community
to be a giver
by the grace of god, to be a sharer
a force for the good
to feel a genuine part of the community

Rich man

It sounds a bit crude - rich man
I prefer wealthy man
It is more balanced
It means plenty of money, wealth, kindness, oneness, joy, sharing, the joy of being here, living in this world.

Wealthy Man

To be a wealthy man
Be a wealthy man
Do not ask permission
Simply feel wealthy
Be aware that I am a wealthy man
Walk around believing
Do not walk around asking
Claim it
Be kind Be wealthy
Do not ask
Claim it

Intensely grateful

Gratitude.

It is powerful. Feel intense gratitude for anything, something, everyday, once a day. Make time for this. Focus and feel it for real. Not with my head, but with my heart, my whole body.
feel the emotion of gratitude. Different to just appreciating what I have. Rather, feeling the joy of what I have. elevate myself to the heights of being truly grateful.

funny. i know how how to whip up a storm of emotion for trivial shit that makes me feel angry, but i do not know how to feel the opposite!

make it a habit. practice it. try. and do not judge my puny efforts. keep them going. focus on that. feel it. do not think it. 

remember my rear windscreen, how it got cracked by my sheer energy of intense anger due to the maid
remember my car door scratch how it happened, I was so intensely angry with the car guard for saying 'no scratch' that I wanted to scratch him instead. And then in error, and unknowingly, I myself scratched my car door. how relieved was I to find out it was me.
it is always me. i am grateful for that knowledge.

be wise. 

Exceptions

One exception leads to another. Therefore do not make an exception. As in, I will just allow myself this one treat. It sets off a series of imbalances, and it is hard to recover my balance. It throws me off track. My focus needs to be regained.
One imbalance leads to another. One treat leads to another. When I treat myself, I am actually mistreating myself. A real treat is alertness, awareness, feeling strong and clear minded and powerful body.

god is real. that is how i am here writing this. god has chosen me to the extent that i have chosen god. as in: god is real to the extent that i have chosen god to be real. i can go it alone, i often have. but what point is there to that? things go better with god.

knowing god:
it is essential to know this:
only I can know god for me. for god to be real and meaningful for me, I must listen to others, and then I must decide for myself, and listen to myself. there is courage needed to listen to others and to listen to myself.

George Airport

I  see that mundane pictures taken on the fly are often of things I have clean forgotten. Yet when I see them again, I enjoy them immensely and am able to reflect upon them with meaning. I enjoy the experience more. It is because of two things: one: on the day it was taken, I was worried about the day ahead, or distracted in some way from the present moment. Perhaps I needed to pee. And today, I am worried about the day ahead, and going back to that moment is now an escape from today, with none of the worries of the day when the photo was taken - this  is freedom. it allows me a moment of enjoyment. So I am recapturing the moment. I am living now, at present, based on the moment that has passed me by. So all is not lost. It is like that with holidays. they are not perfect at the time. their perfection increases with distance.

no more

would i miss not being here tomorrow? i would miss this quiet space. for the rest of it all, no, i would miss none of it. if i went now, i would go happily. it is wrong to feel this way. but it is how i feel. i need to change it, but i do not have the energy to change it. i should just top up my life insurance and let myself go. call my bluff. Am I important to myself? Am I important to God? I don't know. what you put in is what you get out. right now I am putting in nothing. i just want to do nothing. i am chemically out of it. enjoying it on the one hand, knowing that there is a price to pay later on. fuck.