What's for dessert?

I choose to feel good.
Or do I choose to have a good mouthfeel?

A good Dessert is when I feel good after eating - not during eating.
Focus on after, not during.

 vs

which do I really want?

In the short term, like right now, gimme the bread n butter.
In the long term, like in the never never, gimme the house.

If I believe that the house is real,
I will have the will power to resist the moment of bread.

Jaco to help me with:

1. Self sabotage - the need to prove that I am right.
2. I want to be a VWM, but I am not doing very much about it
3. I do not desire strongly enough. What do I desire. If I desired it I would visualize it. 
4. I cannot stick to a daily vizualisation routine. So how will I get there then. It is like having no map.
5. Please help me set a destination I am driven by, and a map to get there.
6. I need a strong desire
7. I am a dad. Be responsible.
8. I am not activated. Not driven. Not doing enough.
9. I often feel lost. 
10. I constantly want to eat food that fucks me up
11. I eat food that gives me a headache then I act badly and speak rudely to HSC
12. I eat food that throws me off balance and I feel unnamed anxiety
13. the solution is to live an inspired life with goals that I aspire towards.
14. I want to be a great dad. but that is not a clear vision. it is just words.
15. I need to feel strong in body and mind and spirit.
16. Visi magazine. not me, almost surreal. do they exist. who are these people
17. where am I going wrong? what would you do if you could make me do anything. coach me
 

Jaco says it is about balance, not perfection, which is unrealistic and in effect gives me permission to go on a binge.

rather, go with my own food to the event so I have somehting to put in my mouth. go with a banana. a grapefruit. spanspek. eat my own stuff, have a cooler box.

jaco says the penalty is not bad enough to prevent me from doing it. but in fact it is. and whats more, the reward is great enough to keep me on track and eating well.

resonate with good energy. 

but perfection is not the goal. balance is.

Talk cheap

God made talk cheap. Why? what does this demonstrate about God?
Well, for one thing, God does not talk. God shows. Creation is one big show.
It is not a silent show, but there is no talking, save for the people in the show.
Most words are worthless.
Most promises are worthless.
That is why talk is cheap. 
But the power of the word is enormous.
First, there was the Word.
Then, God added Love and there was the world.

So how do I say less and do more?

Visualise. And do it right, and be consistent, so that I take consistent action.

I need Jaco to help me with the VWM and the art of visualisation.
And what to visualise.

Remember to be like the sun - always shining, even when the rain is falling.

Vizion for today

Strong body
Clear mind
Loving heart
Amazing grace
Wealthy man

Einstein

At 26, he conjectured that everything in the universe is a repository of energy.
E=MC2 theorized that converting a small amount of mass would release an enormous amount of energy. The atomic bomb demonstrated this.

SO Einstein was a genius.

And I am not.
But I am here.
That makes me what?
Well, for one, I am the only one in the world, or my world?
The world.
I am the only one in the world.
I am the only one who experiences the world.
Nothing else matters really.

Usually, I am lost. In that I am not in touch with my source. I am living externally. I am disconnected from my drive. So I am driven by the hunt for external energy sources. And my own, my very own energy source remains hidden, untapped. And so I feel lost. Cut off. Alone. Powerless. Vulnerable. Waiting.
Eckhart Tolle calls it the Power of Now. The present moment is all we have. But what clue does that give me as to my own energy source. God within me. ET says the PM is all I have, so best be in it now.
But I know this: I am awareness. SO best be aware of the source that powers me up. The original energy.
When I eat badly, my energy goes out of my body, sending me searching for new sources of bad external short-lived energy. Sugar energy. Superficialy energy.
Still rivers run deep.

Again.
What am I?
Awareness.
I am aware of my level of connection to source.
I have switched source to food.
And yet, whilst food is not source, it can certainly cut me off from source because when I eat badly, I get disconnected. Now never mind the rest of the 7 billion people in the world.
I remain, the only one in  my world. the only one responsible for the world I live in, for the world that I am. there is no one else.
My world is sensitive, and easily thrown out of balance. Chemicals undo me. Disconnect me from source. And yet, how connected am I? My connection, the strands of my bond seem to be awfully weak.
So for me, chemistry is key to feeling like King.
If I have more int he the name of enjoyment, the price is fucked up energy, low energy, aggressive energy, feeling out of sorts. and low money too. Low money demonstrates my low energy.
Is this true for everyone in the world? I guess yes, but in my case, it is very apparent and very extreme. there is no getting away with it. looking at other people does not help me.
Getting frustrated with my energy and then turning to food that is bad for a quick fix results in long term damage and low energy.
Discipline is what is required when my energy is fucked. So that I do not fuck it up further.
So vision is required. Go beyond the present moment. And go into the present moment. Do not try escape it. Feel it fully. And go to my vision fully. Maintain vision. Strong energy. Strong me. Powerful me. Do not test me. I will fail.

So what is my vision then?

France, Provence.
Strong body.
Powerful body.

Always testing the truth

Things that I know to be true for me I still do not believe in. I am always testing. Always overriding.
For instance. 
Money
It comes to me best when my energy is best.
And my energy is best when I am disciplined. 
With food.
When I treat myself to junk, my result follow suit.
I know this.
But still I push the limit.
Keep my energy up. that is my work.
And so to discipline.
Do not override my body. It knows what it needs to keep the energy going.
to make the energy high.
come on Ivan. the treats are short lived.
My baby needs me. Ben needs me to be great. For him.
Be disciplined, and maintain the discipline.
Eat. Yoga. Visualize. Know. Be driven by the inner peace. by the inner strength.

Not happy

Got myself a cold. No voice. Low energy. Been building this for a while with out of diciplined action. Too much coffee, too many treats. No discipline = low energy = depression.
Maintain the discipline. No matter what the justification, there is none, because the price will be paid. there is no escaping the price. there is always a price. the food was divine, but the price is not nice. I am so out of it. I do not know what to do with myself. my sales for DM were so low, making me even lower. I need to get their attention, a new campaign. set it in motion.