Down in the dumps

I find myself here
I put myself here
Knowlingly
There is fear here
What will become of me
What example I am to my child
I do not admire myself at all
I need to be bigger, stronger, 
A man of integrity
Oh help me please
I am lost

I know
let me count my money
set up a balance sheet
of where I am
and where I can be
and a plan to get me there
one step at a time
and it will all come together

I do not know
right now
that i am loved
god knows me i presume
but i am lost
i need to reconnect