BIG

I am small. That is my self image. If feel small. Insignificant. I do not count, I will not be missed.
My job is to turn that around. For it is as true as it is false.
Physically, I feel my size to be small. I want to be broad, solid.
See it. If I focus on it, I will be it.
See this:
R300K per month, earned from my own software that people love to use and enjoy using.

Posture. Maintain a good posture. It reminds me to maintain awareness.

SO much to do. So much to do that I would rather not do.
what would I rather do?
Right now, nothing. I need to be still.
Be still and know God.
the intensity of my emotions sets creation in motion.
by feeling nothing, there is nothing
whip up the loveliest emotion I can
I owe it to myself

what excites me? a lifetime of free time? of no pressures of responsibility? of me time? of time spent alone, thinking, appreciating the silence of the moment, interspersed by birdsong and espresso?
Doves cooing. It does not excite me, it makes me feel at peace. There is no achievement in that. but being here to hear the doves coo, that is actually a great achievement!

 a double story home, with sunlight, sunshine through the windows, trees, views, fully carpeted, beautiful kitchen and bathroom, plus live-in quarters, with private office. yes, I say yes.
even though I sit here writing this, I am tense. because there is so much on the to do list.
that will never change. so Why push me. set aside another 15 mins for this activity. then make a list. follow it. and love everything i do because i have wonderful energy.

no time to pee. i need this time to be here and be still. it feels good. do not distract me with a full bladder. that is just an excuse.

...

my favorite

My favorite part of being here, in this world, is doing nothing. feeling good, chemically good, in harmony, and sitting, thinking, about anything and nothing, birdsong outside, sun or rain, with no one disturbing me. left alone to my own space, I am happiest. that is what i love about my life. my own perfect space. the quiet space, of me, myself, I. 
the busyness of life has no appeal to me. 
out of the quiet of this undisturbed haven of peace, good things flow. this is the source. 
Part of me, I know, is telling me, I am fucked. Fucked in the head, the mind, the survival stakes. I will not survive doing nothing. obviously, doing nothing costs money. a lot of money? not a lot, but it costs money. i like my basic comforts. coffee and yoga and beauty and peace and dappled light with quiet outside

what to do first

So much to do, so much rushing
solution - choose
focus on the one thing I really want to achieve
and do that thing
and stop thinking

ok ok, make a list.
then set time aside for the thin i want ot do, and then do the other stuff

Posture

Hold my tummy strong, and my chest out. My myself taller, broader. Walk from the waist up. Motor along.
My life feels better already.
My life will change for the better, I know it.

Leader (me)

Remember to take the leadership role in my life. I am the only one in my body. I am a concentrated flow of energy circulating through my body.
If I am not leading, then I am on auto-pilot, and I am lost. Auto-pilot works only if I have a clear vision set of where I am going. 
So yes, be on auto-pilot, for that is natural. But first, be the leader and set the vision. Auto-pilot will take me there. I will arrive.

Down in the dumps

I find myself here
I put myself here
Knowlingly
There is fear here
What will become of me
What example I am to my child
I do not admire myself at all
I need to be bigger, stronger, 
A man of integrity
Oh help me please
I am lost

I know
let me count my money
set up a balance sheet
of where I am
and where I can be
and a plan to get me there
one step at a time
and it will all come together

I do not know
right now
that i am loved
god knows me i presume
but i am lost
i need to reconnect

Clean 70 Day 7

So yesterday I took a Demazin and flew.
Chemistry rules OK.
Today, I had espresso breakfast and one at lunch.
Still flying. Surfing the wave. And ideas are coming. Mild anxiety, but only because I want to get things started. FreeMyMusic

Ask Donald - is there a market need, and am I the one to find the solution to the problem.
Yes, I say I am the one. Go to Word.